This is the name I tried to use while making a facebook profile for my car. Turns out Facbook doesn’t think numbers and letters could be a real person’s name. Shwatever, facebook, shwatever (said with Swedish accent).
I’ve never named one of my vehicles. I think it’s weird. You name people, pets, and ships, but not so much cars and motorcycles. So for the sake of making a facebook profile for my car so we could be in an ‘open relationship’, at least temporarily for hilarity’s sake, I had to choose a name that had solely alphabetic characters. I chose “Princess Beemer VonBeemersen”. It’s German, it’s lovely. Ever since I saw Enchanted I pretty much wanted to marry Amy Adams and she was a princess. Then I saw Tangled and I wanted to marry Rapunzel, too.
There is a great misconception as to what is a princess. Allow me to clarify: normally when you hear a girl is a ‘princess’ that means they’ve had everything handed to them, have never worked a real day in their life, and expect perfection and happiness to effortlessly fall into their lap at all times. Nay, friend! That chick in Tangled could paint, play guitar, really cared about people, and was fearless. Similarly the princess in Enchanted was so resourceful that she made a dress out of curtains. Yeah. That’s my kind of girl. She also had no malice in her heart. Hard to find.
Anyway now that I feel like I’ve seen those Disney movies too many times . . . back to the car. This thing freakin rocks. No kidding. I shopped long and hard and for me it’s a perfect match right now. It’s got power, handing, bassy bass from 2 subs under the front seats, great brakes, heated seats (for the ladies), and sex appeal. Yup. Booyah. It’s black on black with aluminum trim. The car is sick. I love it.
So I went for a little joyride the other day and happened upon an icy parking lot. After doing some donuts I was wishing for someone to be around to film me. Then I thought: ‘hey! I can film myself! I’ll just put my camera on that snow bank over there!’ So that’s what I did. Then after watching the videos and clicking on a random artist on Spotify I realized that it would be funny to put some sensual R&B to my sliding car. And here’s the end result:
I hope this video has brought you some joy. 10 points for guessing the song at the beginning.
The world needs a new acronym. I give you FEGF. Friend’s Ex-GirlFriend. This last month I ran into and almost took on a date like 4 of these people! What? August has turned out to be an interesting month.
On an unrelated note Eric and I went and played some basketball tonight and after getting packed twice by this 6′ 5″ dude I scored on him with a fadeaway jumper. Take that tall dude.
On a car note I have decided what I will buy in the coming months. A BMW 328xi. Yes, folks the B’mer of balance. Fast, reliable, 4 doors, good in snow, bump in stereo, chick magnetism, FREAKING AWESOME. And not too outlandish. If you’ve never driven a late model BMW I assure you of their ability to alter your opinion on whether nice cars are worth it.
Today two things occurred for the first time: I worked on a car with my mom and my brother-in-law got to drive our BMW.
For the past month my brother and I have had the fine privilege of driving my parents’ 2006 325i down here in Provo. It’s been awesome. Man that car is posh, it’s like riding a bull made of velvet. Here’s a pic of such a machine:
I love the speed, the stereo, the quick and quiet freeway cruising, and I LOVE the way it handles. Yeah I could go on. Did I mention one of my childhood dreams is to write my own automotive column or for a magazine? I digress.
Today was the day to return the ‘Bavarian Princess’ (as dubbed by my dad for it’s high maintenance woes) back to its owners and crush my hopes of taking a girl on a date with the black (dark blue) beauty. It’s ok, though.
Now time to drive ye olde pick up home. It’s still a fun vehicle, all things considered. I went to crank it up but Le Silverado was dead. After a jump from my Mom’s Pontiac Vibe it started fine although I noticed the battery terminals were pretty corroded. I told my mother about the trick where you pour water mixed with baking soda onto the corrosion and it bubbles off (coke works, too). We did that and brushed away the goo while re-securing the battery back into place. That involved some sweat and my mom holding a flashlight while cheering my efforts to get the hard-to-reach bracket back on the battery.
Pretty funny. So many times have I been the flashlight holder for my dad and/or older brother while they worked on their stuff. It was pretty great to be out there with my mom. We’re A+ material. I kind of miss working on cars like that, I find it very fulfilling to build and fix things with my hands. Too bad my welder is up there, too. Soon enough, sweet tools of mine. Soon enough.
So my brother in law Cooper got to drive the BMW today for the first time since we bought it last year. He liked. It’s so fun to give people a ride in that car and take a corner at like 40 mph. They get this “oh crap!!” look on their face and then smile when it’s over.
Parker Planners